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Happiness is not a fixed destination; but something we actively try for, shape & redefine throughout our lives. Happiness is a choice, not a result; focusing on our internal state rather than external circumstances.
Aristotle spoke of eudaimonia — which is flourishing through virtue and purpose, not just pleasure.
Modern Psychological research often distinguishes between hedonic happiness (pleasure, comfort) and eudaimonic happiness (meaning, growth).
Now a days “Gross National Happiness” is measured alongside GDP, recognizing that well-being is as significant as wealth.
Thus, happiness seems less about achieving a single goal and more about the ongoing pursuit — the journey itself. Some people find it in relationships, others in creativity, service, or even resilience through struggle.
Things like isolation, poor lifestyle choices, unrealistic expectations, or a lack of meaning and purpose can cause a sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Recognizing these root causes is veryimportant for reshaping them into healthier, more fulfilling patterns.
• Isolation & staying indoors: Limited social interaction and lack of exposure to nature can cause low mood.
• Poor sleep & irregular routines: Sleep deprivation directly impacts emotional stability.
• Unhealthy lifestyle: Sedentary habits, poor nutrition, or substance use (alcohol/drugs) contribute to chronic dissatisfaction.
• Chronic inactivity: Lack of exercise reduces endorphins, which are natural mood boosters.
• Living in the past or future: Constant regret or worry can cause “not being in the present moment”.
• Holding grudges: Resentment triggers negative emotions.
• Seeking external validation: Depending on others’ approval undermines self-worth. They usually have what is known as ‘external frame of reference’ as per the terminology in neuro linguistic programming or ‘external locus of control’ as per psychology.
• Unrealistic expectations: Setting unattainable goals leads to disappointment. (Hence, tools such as ‘well-formed outcomes’ become valuable, to overcome this).
• Negative forecasting & pessimism: Anticipating failure or negative outcomes, often becomes self-fulfilling.
Unhappiness is often a signal rather than aflaw—it points to the areas that need to be worked upon:
Loss of purpose: Feeling stuck or lacking purpose in life.
Persistent loneliness: Disconnection even when surrounded by people.
Existential questioning: Wondering about who they really are, the purpose of life or feeling empty.
Lack of motivation: Struggling to find joy in previously enjoyable activities.
To achieve this, one needs both, shifting the mindset and changing daily life. It is more about creating small, consistent sources of meaning and joy.
To Break the Cycle of Discontent:
Pause the comparison trap:
Constantly comparing yourself against others fuels dissatisfaction.
Rather be focused on your own progress.
Challenge negative loops:
Notice recurring thoughts of “not enough” and apply NLP reframing, and transform them into gratitude or possibility.
Simplify expectations:
Overly high standards often set us up for disappointment. Allow flexibility and self-compassion.
Detach from external validation:
Fulfilment grows when your sense of worth isn’t tied to external approval.
• Small moments of joy: Delve into small pleasures—morning sunlight, a favourite song, a good meal.
• Acts of service: Helping others creates a sense of purpose and connection.
• Mindful presence: Even routine tasks (like cooking, cleaning, walking) can become grounding when done with awareness.
• Creative expression: Writing, cooking, or creative art taps into purpose and meaning.
• Gratitude rituals: Listing 3 things daily that went well rewires attention toward positivity.
Think of fulfilment as anchored in three dimensions:
• Self: Growth, health, creativity.
• Others: Relationships, kindness, community.
• Beyond: Purpose, spirituality, contribution to something larger.
When these three are balanced, everyday life becomes more fulfiling—even without dramatic changes.
Cultivating Attitude of Gratitude, while letting go of comparisons and undue expectations is like rewiring the lens through which we experience life. It shifts the focus from scarcity and competition to abundance and collaboration.
Cultivating Gratitude:
• Daily gratitude practice: Write down 3 things you’re thankful for each morning or evening. Over time, this trains your brain to notice the positives.
• Celebrate small wins:
Celebrate everyday moments—a good conversation, a meal you enjoyed, or even the feeling of warmth of sunlight.
• Express appreciation:
Tell people you value them. Gratitude, when shared, strengthens relationships and deepens your own sense of fulfilment.
Letting Go Comparisons:
• Reframe perspective: Instead of saying “they have more than me” shift to “I’m inspired by what’s possible.”
• Limit social media exposure: Curated highlight reels often fuel envy. Reducing screen time helps in reducing comparison.
•Focus inward: Track your own growth—skills learned, resilience built, kindness shown—rather than external benchmarks.
Releasing Undue Expectations:
• Set flexible goals: Aim for progress, not perfection. Adjust expectations as circumstances change.
• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness that you’d offer others.
•Detach from outcomes: Invest in efforts and the process rather than obsessing over results.
Gratitude + Living in the Present + Self-Compassion = A mindset that is resilient to discontent. When you anchor yourself in appreciation, comparisons lose their grip, and expectations become lighter, more humane.
Change often feels uncomfortable because it may disturb the routine and challenge our sense of control. But it’s precisely in that discomfort that growth happens.
Why Change Fuels Growth:
• Breaks stagnation: New experiences push us out of autopilot and awaken creativity.
• Builds resilience: Each adaptation strengthens our ability to handle future challenges.
• Reveals hidden strengths: Change often helps uncover skills and potential that we didn’t know we have.
• Expands horizons: It opens doors to opportunities and relationships that wouldn’t be possible otherwise.
Mindset Shifts for Embracing Change:
• See change as a teacher: Instead of fearing loss, ask “What can I learn from this?”
• Detach from certainty: Growth thrives in uncertainty; accepting that not everything needs a fixed plan.
• Reframe discomfort: Viewing unease as evidence that we are expanding beyond our limits.
• Practice adaptability: Small daily adjustments (new routes, new habits) help us in increasing flexibility.
• Micro-challenges: Try one new thing daily - whether it’s a food, a skill, or a conversation.
• Reflective journaling: Write about changes you’ve experienced and your strengths they uncovered.
• Mindful acceptance: Pause when change feels overwhelming, breathe and remind yourself that it’s part of your growth.
• Celebrate transitions: Mark endings and beginnings with some celebration.
Acknowledging the journey helps in getting closure.
Additionally, there are a number of NLP techniques and tools you can learn and experience during Abhay Thhakkar’s T-NLP courses, which can elevate your quality of life and live a healthier and happier life.
This article is written by Meenakshi Walawalkar - Clinical Psychologist from Mumbai.
Transformative NLP international is an NLP training organisation in Mumbai, India founded and headed by Abhay Thakkar.
He facilitates international certification for NLP courses in India and abroad, certified by NLP co-founder - Dr. John Grinder.
He is the first NLP and New Code NLP trainer from India, certified by NLP co-founder - John Grinder.
Contact no: +91 9769274933
